Another Step Toward Wholeness (Winter 1996)
By Jeffrey Pulling
In reading Barry Yeoman's article in the latest issue of Letting Go, on the 1995 International Congress of People Who Stutter, I was delighted to discover that there was a network in the U.S. of gay and lesbian persons who stutter and a newsletter, Passing Twice. I immediately called up the NSP headquarters to find out how to contact Barry and to get on the mailing list for the newsletter. My delight stems from my conviction that I will now be able to take another important step toward wholeness and integration, bringing together two important parts of my life: my sexuality and my stuttering.
 
Now in my 40s, I have know since childhood that I was same-gender oriented, and I have been "out" as a gay man since 1972 (almost a quarter-century now). Since 1974, I have been a minister within the Metropolitan Community Churches, an ecumenical Christian church with a primary ministry among gay and lesbian people. So I have been dealing with my homosexuality for a long time, just as long as I have been dealing with my stuttering, but these two aspects of my life have been on parallel tracks, hardly ever intersecting.
 
My involvement with the stuttering community has been primarily through the vehicle of Speak Easy, rather than NSP, but I am a member of NSP and have followed its progress. I am very grateful that NSP, because of its size and extensive network, can be a vehicle through which gay and lesbians members meet one another. I have never tried to hide my sexual orientation in Speak Easy, but I do not broadcast it either. All the members of my local chapter in Hartford, Connecticut, are aware that I am gay, and many other Speak Easy members throughout the Northeast as well. My gayness is not a big deal to my straight Speak Easy buddies, but with few exceptions they do not want to talk about it either. So the romantic/erotic aspect of my life always stays outside of my primary support system for my speech.
 
I can think of one occasion in which my stuttering support system and my gay and lesbian support system came together, and it was beautiful. I happened to be up in a Vermont meeting with a group of gay and lesbian folks who were talking about forming a new Metropolitan Community Church. In that town at the same time were two of my Speak Easy friends from Connecticut (a heterosexual couple). The mother of one of them was very sick, lying in a hospital close to death. I took time off from my MCC meeting to connect with this couple in the hospital, visit the dying woman, and talk and pray with my friends. It mattered not to them that I was a gay minister involved in a primarily gay ad lesbian church. What did matter was that I was a sensitive and spiritual friend who took the time to come to the hospital and be with them in their distress.
 
I look forward to meeting and networking with other gay and lesbian persons who stutter. In looking over the annual directory in the Fall 1995 issue of Passing Twice, I was happy to see the names of some people I already know through Speak Easy gatherings. As I move into the future, I could surely use the support and friendship of some persons with whom I can share all of who I am. 1995 was a very tough year for me personally: breaking up with my lover/spouse of 13 years and finding my livelihood job in banking operations is in jeopardy because my bank was bought out by another. 1996 will include moving out to live on my own again and relocating to another city for employment reasons. As I leave behind the securities of my home, Speak Easy group and MCC church in Hartford, I will have to open up to find new support and friendship.
 
Editor's note: This update came in the Winter 1997 issue:
 
Greetings to my Passing Twice colleagues around the U.S. and the world. I just want to share my joy and satisfaction in being chosen the pastor of the Metropolitan Community Church in the Valley, North Hollywood, Calif. As most of you probably already know, the Metropolitan Community Churches were begun in 1968 with a primary outreach to gays and lesbians, and there are some 300 local MCCs around the world now. The particular congregation where I will begin in January 1997 serves the San Fernando Valley, 15 miles north of Los Angeles. Many of you have undoubtedly heard of "Valley Girls" and "Valley Speak."
 
After being chosen as the final candidate by this church's Pastoral Search Committee, I spent 10 days with the congregation in November so they could get to know me personally before the congregation decided if they wanted to call me as pastor. Even though 10 days sounds like a long candidacy period, I am glad in retrospect that it was that long, since it gave the members a chance to get accustomed to my stuttering and not be freaked out by it. It was not an easy candidacy, but it was an honest, open one. I am walking into this church well aware of both its strengths and its problems, and the congregation and its lay leadership know that their pastor is a strong, sensitive, insightful and light-hearted guy who happens to stutter.
 

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